drama queen

yes, i'm such a drama queen. i get affected by the slightest comment/deed and my mind starts over-thinking on things which then turn into depression, bordering insanity. ok fine, that's an exaggeration. but truth is, i am a drama queen. though i must say that i have improved in numbing my senses and choosing the battles that's worth my time, i still pull off a tantrum once in a while.

i should say though that sometimes, i do have a reason to be one. i'm no robot nor my emotions come with an on-off switch. fine. maybe its just me - i feel taken for granted by people who matters to me and yet i still end the day saying that i'm the one over-reacting. but how often is too often? if feeling that for many times now, is there a chance that there might be some truth in it?

see - im really a drama queen. what i do now is to indulge myself with those thoughts and feelings and sort it out on my own. i try to find diversion. i seek retail/food therapy instead of dealing with it - the fear of being misunderstood again for the nth time just scares the hell out of me. i walk blocks for a while until my eyes gone dry. i look for my happy place and recite my 'im blessed' or 'this is too trivial' mantra. then just keep my mouth shut.

i escape from myself and create a reality where i pose as who i am expected to be. i wear the mask that even i don't recognize anymore whether it's there or not.

i look away from the mirror. until i am able to sort this out, i'll be the expected me.